'Thoughts'

Last night I went to the QPAC with my sister to watch the Queensland Symphony Orchestra play Beethoven. It must've been 2 years since I last saw the symphony, and I'm glad to have experienced it again. Everyone there seems to be of the well-mannered demographic of people, in that they are there to enjoy refined music (that sensuates the soul), dressed in civilised fashion, and just a decent bunch of people. Makes me realise how far astray I have gone, hanging around nightclubs, for too long. I've taken up tai classes, dancing classes, church groups, which are groups that I would assimilate better with.

After the show I went over to Brad's house to have a chat; and realised I would probably be on the higher achievement levels of aspergers, if ever, I do have it; despite my initial hysteria of thinking I have asprgers, it's an umbrella term, it encompasses a wide variety of behaviours; that apparently one in 5 people in Australia have. It's a label- it does not define me- it does not control or dictate who I am. My negative issues with social interaction have long dissipated since my early years, and as an adult, i have developed a high and strong ability to interact socially; despite my initial 'slitting wrist' thoughts of looking back at my traumatised childhood, this is now, this is myself now.

In terms of the fixation with interests, I have come to realise that I am a very passionate person, at everything I want to achieve in; what's the point in doing things in halves? If you're going to start something you want to aspire to you bloody well try your darnest hardest to achieve highly. I think there needs to be passion, otherwise, what is the purpose of you being on this earth? One has to make a difference for the better. And it really gives me the shits when I see mundane people, or people with a sense of 'don't give a shit' about anything attitude, whether it be towards their career, relationships, study, and I have so many friends who are like that, who are content with just being half-arsed. What the hell do you think you're going to get from life if that's your mindset. It pisses me off.

But I want to do more. I think everything in my life is falling in place as it should be. I have a stable career, focused goals and passions i.e. soccer, piano, poetry; I am in good health, my values and beliefs are maturing as an adult; I am progressing in my social skills, regardless of my moping attitude in regards to my shithouse childhood experiences with the socialisation process- it's all falling into place well (I tend to be a negative bastard sometimes). All i want really is for someone to share it with. I'm still desperately hungry for knowledge, with a soul that wants to embrace it all.