This class was a delight to teach. Such well-behaved students all-round. Straight on to the haiku-masterpieces without delay.
dry lizards
laid in a burrow
as night comes in
(by Lachlan)
* the word use in this haiku is impeccable, 'dry' lizards, love the use of 'laid' in a burrow, the hero liner of this haiku is the third line, 'as night comes in'. We are seeing something typically Australian here, a hot day, and lizards seeking shade and shelter until 'night comes in'-- a gem of a haiku!
I see the moon
shining
bright on the river
(by Meika)
* you cannot go past the beauty in this haiku. The moon in the river gives the water the illusion of milky-like appearance.
a butterfly
camouflaged on a flower
in midday
(by Meika)
* Bravo Meika, the use of the word 'camouflaged' here is excellent. The image/ haiku works well because first we are seeing the colourful image of a butterfly, because the flowers are also colourful, the butterfly and flowers compliment each other, and to add to the colourful-ness of the image, it's all under a midday sun. A butterfly is being hidden amongst the flowers....and WHAT a surprise it could be when you notice the "flower" start flying!!!
autumn days
leaves fall
on dry ground
(by Samantha)
* autumn days, we are seeing trees upon trees that are browning or reddening, while falling on the ground, works well, nothing to fault really!
clouds
suffocate
the sun
(by Samantha)
* NOW this is an A-H-A!! haiku. Love the use of 'suffocate'. Simple, yet so effective.
sweet taste
of blueberries
is like a fresh spring
(by Sarah)
* This is an amazing haiku, brought a smile to my face. It can be read two ways. First, we are tasting blueberries, and it taste like a fresh spring, as in a fresh water spring on a mountain or wherever. Second way to read into it is that we are tasting the blueberries, but only this time, they taste like 'spring', as in the season of spring! We always associate great natural growth in nature (flowers, trees, fields, mountains, etc) so we are in a sense tasting spring. Love it!
I look
at the stars
they come to me
(by Chau)
* Really, really like the expression 'they come to me', instead of the person seeking out the stars, the stars manage to find a way to the person. Amazing. This also makes us think... how did the stars come to the person? Was the person dreaming? Was the person in a country farm somewhere on the roof staring at the stars?? The good thing about this haiku is that it makes us think about the creative possibilities. Great work Chau.
fish swim
in a clear lake
as water flows
(by Holly)
* Great to see Holly giving it a go, when the rest of the class was quite anxious about sharing. Here we are seeing images that all compliment each other. We are seeing scaly fish swim in a clear lake, with the flow of the water, all of this under a sun, so there is the glint of the scales, the glint of the sun, and the glint of the water.
I feel wind
blowing on my face
water drips on leaves
(by Lynn)
* This haiku makes you think. For me, I saw it as the experience of rain, wind is blowing on the persons face, while the water or rain is dripping off the leaves. Well done Lynn.
slimy snake
slithers next to a tree
at dusk
(by Taylee)
* the technique here is quite exceptional. This could take a while to explain, but here goes. First, "slimy snake/ slithers" works well with the sounds, a snake is typically known for making an "sss" sound, so, slimy, snake, and slithers (as well as dusk) work well with the sound of the haiku. Next thing, it may also be talking about the tree of temptation in Adam and Eve, 'dusk' representing the giving in to the temptation, as a symbolism for letting go of the light. Very impressive. So proud.
when our boats sunk
we enjoyed
the fresh water
(by Michael)
* this is completely unexpected. It is reminiscent of Basho's famous haiku: "my house burnt down/ now I can better see/ the rising moon". Taking a negative situation, turning it into a positive. Great image too, a boat is being capsized, which is of course a horrific ordeal to go through, but the author is saying something like "at least the fresh water is here for us to enjoy or drink" :-)
the waterfall
holds the reflection
of a midday sun
(by Sarah)
* I wondered if Sarah had practiced haiku before, clearly has a talent for writing haiku. In this image there is a scattered amount of water being sprayed down from the waterfall, and from those many, many droplets, we are seeing the midday sun in each of them, so it's kinda like looking at thousands upon thousands of diamonds falling. Keep writing Sarah, you have made me proud.
spider's web
shines so clear
at the sun
(by Sarah)
* A spider's web is designed for catching insects for the spider to eat, but in this case, the spider has caught the sun, and the spider web is glowing. Such a vibrant image.
I see
a dragonfly's wing
under the sun
(by Byron)
* The dragonfly's wing is colourful, and we are all seeing this under a bright sun. The colours of the dragonfly are by themselves very colourful and impressive, but they become amplified under a sun.
summer beach
darkness floods
the ocean
(by Samantha)
* Whoa! Sinister, but brilliant.
when we went home
at night, moon reflects
the horse's eye
(by Michael)
* Again, this is unexpected. The moon (with all of its brightness and curves) work well together with the image of a horse's eye. I just love the feel to this haiku. Really enjoy how you use specific words to create such a dense atmosphere, Michael, your writing shines light into the soul. Great job.
Well, that's it for Grade 4 Grand Avenue State School, and can I just say, I am absolutely blown away at just the quality of haiku that was produced from you all today. Probably the most enriched I've felt after reading a sequence of haiku. Thank you all for the great work and inspiration. My apologies if I have missed any haiku that I said were going up, but aren't up here, I seem to have lost a page or so while leaving class. But a visit in future is no doubt on the priorities list. My best wishes, Mr. Pham.
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